Printed Pumps and Prime Property

Straddling the bath is fine when you’re 20 Queenie, but at my ripe old age it’s not cool – three days of crippling back pain and insult to injury, sporadic bouts of hysteria from my female colleagues as they relive my public hand wash demonstration.

So while you make a strong argument re: the trials of too many kitchen appliances (not at all jealous) I think you should still spend a little quality time on the floor, gently caressing the washing machine, followed by the fridge, toaster and Rich, if he happens to be en route to the cooker.

Suddenly dawned on me that bloglets (not sure of the terminology) don’t actually have any evidence to support my being in Ahhfrica vs. folded into a bedsit in Glasgow with only a candle for light – please see right for proof.


Chatting with David, Lodge Manager at Virunga


Please send pants aid package – Mama has researched thoroughly and subsequently skyped to tell me that ‘Jesus’ is key… ‘Apparently if you put Praise the Lord and Jesus Rules on parcels, peeps are too scared to pinch ’em.  Tip from friend in Arusha’

I’m going to need so much therapy …

So I’m currently living in a university dorm like setting at the office flat with ‘Veggie’, who is fresh off the boat and my instant friend.  I love her, want to hug her and fear I may get into terrible trouble with her.  Thank God the boys are up country otherwise they’d be wearing pink, with perfectly manicured toes and initialled hair straighteners.

It’s a stop gap until I move into my one bedroom bungalow at the top of Kololo (the Kensington and Chelsea of Kampala Daaaaaarling).  It’s hideous, but has views across Kampala down to Lake Victoria and was built by the Brits, so Father will approve.


Community Walk with Japhet, Lodge Manager at Gahinga


It’s completely unfurnished so I go roadside shopping with dial-a-boda on Saturday.  Dial-a-boda takes a particular interest in my housing situation and insists on helping me furnish it – a black, bike riding Lawrence Llewelyn if you will.

I’ve started to mentally decorate and I’m currently thinking shabby chic safari stylie, but without being one of those crazy expats that are so at one with their environment that everyting is either tree, grass or local fabric.


Pit stop on the way back to Kampala from Kyambura


You know how I covet your flat so suggestions please Queenie?

The Journalist moves in next door so for budgetary purposes she’ll buy the oven, I’ll buy the fridge and we’ll meet regularly in the garden for supper!


Pre Gorilla Trek with Ivan (right) our guide and Captain of the Combie


Work is good, if a little daunting.  I’m not entirely sure what my role is, but that appears to be the norm here; we all do a little of everything.  C has told me off on numerous occasions for my English, which apparently is too good and therefore, confusing.  I’m learning Ugandan-English, but it’s a slow process and I fear I’ll be told off for using ‘mild-mannered’ in conversation before the week is out.

MD and I had lunch on Tuesday, which was lovely.  It’s nice to see a familiar face.  He insists he’s been tamed and no longer a party animal, but I intend to change all that (subject to permission from girlfriend) when I head to his Friday for some party that involves a pool and without doubt the potential for bad behaviour – be warned.


Gorilla Trekking ... and apparently drunk!


Attended a bizarre book launch at the Uganda Museum (the only one in the whole of Uganda people, so be suitably impressed) where people were named and shamed into buying pictures from the book in a David lynch esque auction that was conducted in the dark.  I drank through it.

Last night 400 people attended the Steve Willis Memorial Fund Comedy Night at Red Chili, with guest speaker Jane Bussman.  Previously a celebrity journalist, she followed human rights activist John Prendergast to Uganda because of a crush, and subsequently (NB this is a black listed word in the office and creates only confusion) to write a story no newspaper would touch on Joseph Kony – leader of the Lords Resistance Army in Northern Uganda who is described as the most evil man in the world.

Despite the subject matter, she is absolutely hilarious and punctuates a highly charged dialogue on the politics of war with self-deprecating humour and a good dollop of entertaining facts about the intricacies of conducting a celebrity interview.  I’d highly recommend her book ‘The Worst Date Ever’.

A lot of the old crowd were there, plus some very attractive fwar shwing budda bing newbies.  Extensive Chipati hunt ensued before Veggie and I abandoned The Journalist and Co to chase down a boda.  Feeling a little jaded this morning.

In other news I have developed a huge crush on newbie eco tourism guy. He’s been living Bruce Parry Stylie in some obscure country in the armpit of South America, and by all accounts conducted his interview up a tree by satellite phone …. be still my beating heart.  Unfortunately, I think my somewhat ballsy manner scares the crap out of his mild mannered American sensibilities.  Not a great start!

Love ya, B x

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7 Responses to Printed Pumps and Prime Property

  1. Queenie says:

    Oh darl it is SO good to hear your proper news and see all your pics. And now i’ve got all sad because I MISS YOU. In fact I miss you so much I even had a mini-sobbette on the sofa last night when Rich came home, cos I miss my drinking/brunch/nattering/giggling buddy, it’s just not the same without you here. Poor Rich; he tried his best to cheer me up, and looked concerned, then alarmed, made a few jokes, attempted a funny monkey dance that brought a vague smile, and then gave up and made me a G&T which soon shut me up. Anyway, just wanted to point that out. I’m thrilled you’re there. But I wish you could be here too. When exactly will they perfect human splicing, and will it be before Christmas do you think? It’s great to hear your news though, keep blogging baby, you’re a hit over here and I LOVE you. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
    P.S That picture of Bruce Parry got me all hot and bothered. Must remember to put him on my list of the five allowable shags I get if ever I get propositioned.
    P.P.S Splicing is a Harry Potter reference, which means you’ll have to have read it to understand it. Unless you have, but I don’t think you have.
    P.P.P.S When are we Skyping? I want to Skype. I’ll get Richard to Skype too…is that enough bait?
    P.P.P.S What do all these Ps stand for exactly?
    P.P.P.P.P.S Mwuhahaha – like what I did with that header image dude? You are a cover girl!

  2. Queenie, you little gem. I miss you too, horribly in fact. I too would have a little sob if I a) had a sofa and b) it meant Geeeeoooorgeous Rich would do Monkey dance … on skype … in his boxers! Sorry, too far. Hanging head ….

    Not sure they’ll have human splicing down (thanks for the explanation as I was completely lost) before Christmas, but cloning is coming along so fingers crossed!! In the interim, let’s skype like crazy computer geeks … you bring wine, I’ll bring a cheese board and we’ll meet somewhere in the ether – it’ll be like date night, but …. not.

    No idea what all the P’s stand for, but I’m loving the overkill … you crazy little loon you. I MISS YOU!!

    Bring GR and come play in Ahhhhfrica daaaarling. I watched Out of Africa tother night and I think we should start a coffee plantation in the Ugandan hills. GR can wear a safari suit (the lean variety), carry a shot gun for no other reason than it looks cool and learn to fly. You will cater our luxury lodge (muffins and bacon fritters WILL be on the menu) and I’ll run round the farm like a 21st century Meryl. You know you want too …

    I love you heaps Noodle and can’t wait to Skye – we try this weekend kay?

  3. African Bean says:

    oh and queenie, help a girl out and sort out the sodding pictures will you. Please? I posted, but the piccies went haywire and it’s driving me to drink … a rather revolting glass of wine I might add. Shampers it ain’t!
    Thanks poppet, B xx

  4. Queenie says:

    Yes please to Skype this weekend, Sat night is good (we are poor so staying in) or Sunday sometime. I can’t guarantee Richard’s prescence since he announced last night that he doesn’t like the ‘concept’ of Skype. So no idea what that means, but will try make sure he puts in an appearance. Boxer shorts an all. My laptop will be on the whole time so whenever you have a chance just ring us! Yay!!!!!! Big squidges and love. xxxxxxx

  5. Queenie says:

    P.S The pics are fine honey, they’re all working and look great???!! Perhaps you’re just confused. Put the wine down and back away. Do you hear me? Back. Away. Well done. xxxxxx

  6. African Bean says:

    Duly noted, and backing away …. the internet here is a little sporadic, but will definitely try to skype Saturday. If I can’t, I’ll text and we rearrange kay?

  7. Tessa says:

    Bean my dear child, it would behoove you to remember that YOU are the veggie and your friend and colleague (and potential guest blogger on my blog – no blog envy please, Queenie…I found her first! And she knows ALL about our amazing hairy relations and our combined DNA) is a SALAD.

    Advise from old photographer lady…saturate the colour a little more, darlink. Not getting the vibrancy of Ahhhhfrica. That pic of you and lovely friend on your pad kos stop makes everything look distinctly gloomy and horribly like the Mud Bank. Shuddering slightly. But, hey, you’re so purdy so what does it matter, eh? Now go and have a blast this weekend…on my behalf if nothing else. Blasting is no longer on my menu, unfortunately. Prolly ‘cos your Daddy’s retired and is a veritable fogie. Must find me another Great White Hunter. Pronto.

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