Lewd Conduct and other Shanigans

Sorry for the prolonged silence Queenie – I’m having my ass handed to me at work and when not wrestling Gorilla related tasks, I’m trying to play nice with the locals … the girls here are mean!

You know that pack mentality they have in London, well it turns out it exists the world over. You walk into a bar and immediately a sandal clad posse of aid related blondes with big bags eye you suspiciously, positioning themselves between you and any potential hottie like a row of well accessorised vultures. If it weren’t for The Journalist and her caustic commentary, I might be hurt.

That said, this weekend we infiltrated the ‘long termers’ and have made some headway thanks to a plaid shirt, flat cap, wellies and a 6,000 shilling spade – all purchased at Owino much to the amusement of the Ugandans, who stared wide eyed as we shot past on bodas, spade and wellies wedged between bike and thigh.

Weekend prior The Journalist, Salad, Vish and I embarked on a mini road trip to Jinja, where Stanely and Livingston first discovered the source of the Nile. We spent a night on the banks of the Nile, above Bujagali Falls, in a ramshackle cottage that I’m fairly certain only just scraped their health and safety inspection, Salad and I wedged tightly into a double bed, suffering from ping pong giggles.

The Journalist insisted we cruise the Nile on horseback the following day, which at times pleasant, had me braced for impact and/or mauling for two hours straight and suffering from inner thigh ache for three days thereafter. I would really rather have gone in the rubber dingy with the crazy ass Aussies.

And to clarify, Lewd Conduct does not mean the same thing here as it does in the UK. I was not, as suggested by the Fatigue clad Captain, having sex on the side of the road. If I had known a peck on the cheek would prompt eight heavily armed policemen to disembark at speed from a 4×4 I would have opted for a handshake!

Reluctant for the boss to discover his recently appointed Ops Manager had been done for Lewd Conduct outside the office at three in the morning, I strapped on an apologetic smile and submitted to a lecture on appropriate public behaviour. It was sweet of them to offer me an ‘alternative’ to jail, but on principle I insisted they take me to the station and book me.

The Captain took a shine to me, but unfortunately the giver of the peck was less fortunate and eventually forked out 150,000 to avoid the station and his car being impounded – Papa Peck refused to kiss me goodbye the following evening saying it cost too much! What can I say, I’m a classy chick.

In other news …

  • Yes the chat house is still going and the cheese soda dosa is still the mutt’s nuts!
  • The flat flooded and I had to mop with a bucket and dish cloth – people laughed
  • I’m very excited about new job because of all the potential goodies …. oh and because you rock
  • Love Richard
  • I like Gideon, but then I’m not a civil servant
  • Alex Fergason is the coach for Man U (honestly I’m not a complete cretin) and hasn’t Rooney just broken something vital/slept with another prostitute so good riddance?
  • I didn’t know Thatcher had a heart, but bless them for looking
  • A local newspaper just published a list of prominent gay men in Uganda suggesting they be executed for their sexual orientation – that’s criminal.
  • Salad and I went the wrong way around a roundabout on a boda and narrowly missed a 16 wheeler – we both bought helmets.

Love you and let’s skype baby!


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2 Responses to Lewd Conduct and other Shanigans

  1. I’m sorry, I failed to read most of that post because in one of those pictures you appear to be wearing A Skirt. Obviously this can’t be right. So I am off to the docs because there must be something wrong with my eyes.

    Yes, let’s Skype. When are you free? Email me. e.mills@runwildgroup.co.uk xxx

  2. Tessa says:

    You rock my world, honey chile! Love the way you’ve taken this adventure by the balls, pushed away the bowlines and are sailing right into wind. Your illustrious ancestor would be proud – very – but not as proud as this ol’ Mama Ahhhfrica!

    Very pleased indeed to hear that you and the lovely Salad have bought helmets…one has to err on the side caution sometimes. (I know, I know…but that maxim still holds true despite your mother’s comparative lack of of it. Don’t do as I do, chile, do what I say. Okay? Good.)

    At least you stayed ON the horse. Well done. Excellent stuff. I remember putting a 2 year old Bean on a pony – time and time again – and all that happened was a rather rapid slide off the other side because you seemed to be totally incapable of either holding the pommel or, indeed, just sitting for more than a moment in the saddle. It was an exhausting exercise…heaving the child up and running around to catch it the other side. The Journalist obviously has more influence that I do. Humpf.

    And yeah, you are a classy chick, chica. Why, forsooth, everyone knows you’re a chip off the old block.

    Love, love, love the pix my little beauty. Especially the one of you passing on your photographic skills to that little toto. Too, too adorable. Both of you.

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